Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
