My room smells like vodka and shame
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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