This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Porn is love you can see.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
