Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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