The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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