he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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