When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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