like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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