I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Randomize
