Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
