Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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