I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
did i walk over a car last night?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize