i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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