I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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