so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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