Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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