I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize