is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm always down for nudity.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
