im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
