I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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