Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
