I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
