Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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