Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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