I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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