She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
