I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
