I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
my poor anus
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
