Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
