some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
