May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
