I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
