i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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