you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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