there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
