Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
