How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
