is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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