Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
