So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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