my vag is so smooth its legendary
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
