Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
