Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize