Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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