The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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