He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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