So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
