so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
