We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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