True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
