her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
