3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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