this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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