I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
