We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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