I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
