Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
