She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
