your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
