We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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