Your dad touched me again.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
