if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
