he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
