Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
