My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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