jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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