I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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