apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
