Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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