Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
