I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
