After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
