Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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