that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
