Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
