I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
