I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
