We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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