do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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