At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
