I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Redeem this text for a blowjob
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My vagina is officially offended.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
