Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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