What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
