Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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