hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
