Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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