lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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