I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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