So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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