Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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