remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
