Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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