Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it was like eating out sand paper
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Randomize
