As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You left your phone here
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