I checked into jail on foursquare
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize